Master Chief: Billy, Mr. T needs our help to keep his nonprofit pity-free gymnasium open. What are we going to do?
Billy: I don't know man, but I don't think we have to worry about flying dragons or anything.
Chief: I'll stay on the ship with Long Haired Offender and Son of the Shining Path. You can take the Warrior for these types of missions.
Billy: *Laughs* Deep down you had a good time, admit it Chief. Anyway, Mr. T is going to need all the help he can get. He says he'll need all of our hands.
Chief: Cool like the A-Team 2007 or something. When the evil gang comes back to ruin more lives, they get owned in all these goofy traps we set for them around the gym.
Billy: That's it! I'm taking your copy of Home Alone and I'm going to blow it up with my plasma rifle!
Chief: Noooo! That's my favorite movie!
BILLY INFORMS THE CREW AND THEY ARRIVE AT MR. T'S GYMNASIUM.
Billy: Hey Mr. T, so what can we do to help out?
Mr.T: We don't have much time. In order to keep the funding for my non profit pity-free organization, I need to show that these kids are getting cultured. Problem is, the kids don't have any artistic talent and I need to hold an art exhibit.
Chief: Well, we can't draw or paint either. I thought we were coming down here to crack some heads or do battle with some evil thugs.
Warrior: My warriors will fill my veins with power of the art gods and I will spill forth paint to the canvas world and create an ultimate work of art! *Snort*
Long Haired Offender: Dude, my painting will be way tougher than yours.
Warrior: Ultimate Warrior denies no challenge!
Billy: You guys are funny! Let's just follow along with Bob Ross. I brought some tunage for us to break up the monotony.
Chief: OMG Billy, these are all Freedom Rock Tapes! Are these from the eighty's Time Life collection?
Billy: Indeed they are Master Chief, indeed they are.
Mr. T: It's okay, you can listen to it with my ghetto blaster. Anything that will help you guys create some work of art. Now get to work!
Chief: What the heck is a ghetto blaster?
Billy: Old school chrome tape deck. Don't make me serve you and break out the cardboard.
Mr. T: That's nasty. You in a thong spinning around on card board. Nasty! I need you guys to get to work now -- watch Bob Ross. Get the stuff framed and ready for the art show tomorrow.
Billy: Okay dooder, we're on it.
SUDDENLY THE FRONT DOOR BUSTS OPEN. DARTH VADER TRACKED DOWN BILLY THE BARBARIAN AND HIS CREW.
Darth Vader: Billy, I have found you at last and you can not resist the power of the dark side. Join me and we will rule the galax...Hey are you guys painting?! I will join you.
Billy: Really? You are going to help us save Mr. T's gym?
Vader: I don't care about the gym, I just like to paint. Our quarrel will continue another day.
Chief: Hey Vader, you should think about upgrading your helmet like mine. You don't hear me breathing like your vintage gear.
Vader: I might think about that, but it's sort of a Lucas Art's trademark. Maybe you should think about amplifying your breathing.
Warrior: I don't trust you Vader, you crazy robot magician!
Vader: I could force choke you right now, but I won't in honor of Bob Ross. Bob Ross was strong in the force. He could move mountains with a slight cut of his pallet knife.
LHO: Titanium white sounds so heavy metal.
Billy: Into Glory Ride brother!
Vader: Hey, man! Is that Freedom Rock man?
Chief: Yeah man!
Vader: Well turn it up man!
Billy: Vader, you aren't such a bad guy. You should join my crew. Help out those that need... help and stuff.
Vader: Ha ha! Valiant effort Billy the Barbarian. I cannot be converted to the light side of the force. I will sing along with you though. For Bob Ross!
Billy: For Bob Ross!
Vader and Billy: *Singing* In a white room with black curtains at the station ...
Chief: *Shakes his head in disbelief* What has happened here?
Son of the Shining Path: Don't think about it, just rock out and go with the flow. That's what I do.
Get some color on there.
Put some happy land formations in there. This is your world.
Use shadows to push those mountains in the distance.
Don't forget a faded covenant ship to show some Halo love.
Billy: What the heck? You guys just painted my buttocks?!
LHO: Yeah, it was funny. Billy the Barbarian for the win!
SOTSP: started out with a Halo-like background, but then I had to paint your ass. Pants are for noobs!
Vader: I also do not understand, I couldn't resist painting your perfectly round cheeks.
Mr. T: These are nasty! But it's too late to start again. It will have to work. Hopefully, the power of your buttocks will win over my investors. Billy the Barbarian for the win!
Vader: Don't worry Mr. T, in the name of art, I will mind control the investors to cut you another check.
Mr. T: Thanks. This art show will be worth all our trouble after all. I pity the fool that doesn't say Billy the Barbarian for the win!
THE FOLLOWING DAY THE TURNOUT FOR THE ART EXHIBIT WAS BETTER THAN EXPECTED, AND VADER DIDN'T NEED TO USE HIS FORCE MIND CONTROL AFTER ALL.
